i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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