im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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