i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
