do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
