Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize