I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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