she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
