Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize