Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
