last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
