It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
