Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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