thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
