I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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