At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize