pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
