I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
