Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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