hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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