their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
