my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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