this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
