I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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