Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sarcasm needs its own font
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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