Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
