i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
