He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
