perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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