Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
