i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
