remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
