i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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