if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
