Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
