hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
