The maid of honor just puked.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
