Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
