i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize