very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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