She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
