I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
