My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
