Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
