atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
