Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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