saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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