well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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