i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We named our party play list daddy issues
honey bunches of taint.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We are two peas in an std pod
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
