i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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