I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
