I murdered the dance floor call the cops
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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