somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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