it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
