hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
