OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
