Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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