In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize