And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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