corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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