He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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