Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You are the jesus of drinking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
