i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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