whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize