it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
