You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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