I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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