During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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