i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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