He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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