She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
