gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
