I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
