He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize