ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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