Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what day is it and did you see me today?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize