There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
