I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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