My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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