Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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