Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
