Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
